I’ve been staring at this stupid screen for 53 minutes now figuring out what to say. I’ve typed and deleted typed and deleted typed and deleted. But then I went through my thoughts from the past two years, only to feel sad about the words I wrote down in that exact moment. Out of all the emotions I managed to find something that stuck to me. It’s like my past-self knew my future-self would need these words:
“I honestly had to stop everything I was doing to jot down my thoughts because they have filled my head all day and refuse to leave. Last night I had three complete different people go out of their way to give me their own lesson in life. I can’t ignore the coincidence of those individuals feeling the need to reach out, especially within the two hours it all happened. Lately I have been so consumed with the thought of graduating college and not having the same freedom I’ve experienced for the past four years. I have been saying yes to everything because I am afraid this is it, in three months I receive my diploma where I then leave this little town and get a job.
I’ve been sucked into this delusion of following expectations that I forgot I can literally do whatever the hell I want!! I can move to Colorado for two months, I can move to California and live my dreams, I can volunteer abroad, I can do whatever the fuck I want to do because this is my life. This is all you get. And I think that’s the most important thing to remember, is that this is it. There’s no do-over.”
I read this and then re-read it again and again. You. Can. Do. What. Ever. You. Want. I just really needed to hear this tonight.